the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
