i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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