Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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