Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
