i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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