I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
