Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
