A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
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