In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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