And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Are my feet made of real feet?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
