Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
