Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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