remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
