Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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