Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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