I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
