Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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