nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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