in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
