Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
