im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
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