what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Buhtt sex?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
