Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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