My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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