i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
the liver wants what the liver wants
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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