If that was your dad, he is hot
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
my liver is dry heaving
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
