All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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