finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Sext me about skeletons
Randomize
