if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
