so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
