Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
