After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
