I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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