Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
