I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
