So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
