I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
