Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
