There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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