you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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