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I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
