i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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