We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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