the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
