last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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