Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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