Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
