he thought i was a dude.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
