How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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