My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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